The Challenge: Shift from a Focus on Don’t Want to Do Want

don't v do want blog

don't v do want blogImagine going to a travel agent and asking them to book a vacation.  When the travel agent asks where to and the answer is a litany of places to exclude from the possibilities, then how can the agent book the trip?

Think about someone you know who wants to lose weight.  One consideration is that losing a set number of pounds is focusing on the negative or the problem with a definition of what is not wanted.  Alternatively, if they say how much they do want to weight or what size they want to be, then they are focused on a goal.

The same applies with setting goals in a coaching relationship.  Imagine completing your coaching certification and then coaching your first client.  Then imagine that client telling you about what they don’t want.  How do you help a client achieve something if they themselves are unsure of what they want to achieve?  It is the coach’s job to ask questions so the client defines the goals they do want to achieve.  For example, ask:

  • Design it the way you want it to be. What is it?
  • If that is what you are moving away from, what are you moving toward?
  • Where do you want to go?
  • What do you want in the future?
  • How do you want it to be different?
  • What do you want to create?
  • How will you move forward?

Practice thinking about your ideal outcome.  Ask others to describe what they want it to be specifically.

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