Choosing the Right Life Partner

Renee Van Heerden

Renee Van Heerdenby Renee van Heerden

What if fairy tales were true?  The reality is that the longest sentence in the world is, ‘I do!’  Lasting love is not only a matter of the heart; it is also a matter of the head.

Because the consequences of a broken relationship can be devastating clients often contact coaches after such a breakdown.  The place to start the process of searching for a suitable partner is with the client.  It is absolutely essential that clients arrive at self-awareness and a clear understanding of themselves.    

There are ‘wrong’ reasons for choosing a partner that are not good enough for committing to a serious, long standing relationship.  During the coaching process these will be identified.

In exploring with clients what it is that they want for their lives, clients will want to consider their criteria in choosing a partner.   If they are ignored, it is very likely that these aspects will become problematic at some stage of a relationship.

Some of the aspects to be considered are similarities and differences in terms of core identity, age, home/parental backgrounds, personality and temperament, communication style, habits and interests, preferred lifestyle, careers, desiring parenthood and raising children, and managing finances.  Level of trust and integrity, level of support offered, and setting healthy boundaries also are to be considered.

Next it is imperative that an action plan be devised. 

The premise for this chapter is that love is more than a matter of the heart, it is also a matter of the head.  Fairytale relationships and ‘happily-ever-after’ endings actually do come true.  The initial sprinkle of fairy dust has to be accompanied by rational, calculated decision-making.  Then there will be a good prognosis for the desired ‘happily-ever-after’ outcome.

Read the Choosing the Right Life Partner chapter in Coaching Perspectives V for more.

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