Book Review: Emotion Rules – The Science and Practice of Emotional Wisdom

Book Review: Emotion Rules – The Science and Practice of Emotional Wisdom

Author: Joshua Freedman

Publisher: Six Seconds (2026)

Link: https://www.6seconds.org/emotionrules/

Reviewer: Kimberly Candrila

Review Context: Leadership development, coaching, supervision, personal growth, navigating change

Overall Impression

Emotion Rules is one of those rare books that doesn’t simply talk about emotional intelligence—it actually invites the reader to experience their emotional life differently. Freedman stretches far beyond the familiar language of EQ and moves into what it means to live emotionally intelligent lives from the inside out. His writing feels grounded and easily connects with the reader. Instead of approaching emotions as something to manage or control, he positions them as sources of wisdom that help us navigate ourselves and our relationships with more honesty and clarity.

What stayed with me most is his focus on self-trust, curiosity, and compassion. These qualities become anchors that help readers reconnect with the emotional signals that have always been there—signals we often learned to ignore or override. Freedman emphasizes what many of us know to be true from both science and personal experience: emotions show up in the body long before the mind labels them. When we learn to pay attention to these subtle cues, we become more skillful in choosing how we respond, rather than being pulled into old patterns.

For readers who didn’t grow up with emotional modeling or connection, Freedman’s approach is reassuring. He makes it unmistakably clear that emotional intelligence is not something “you either have or don’t have.” It’s something that can be cultivated at any stage in life. His stories, reflections, and practices make this work feel possible—even for those who feel disconnected from their emotional life.

The book is rooted in neuroscience, but it never becomes clinical or cold. There are echoes of Internal Family Systems, developmental theory, and modern approaches to change and leadership, yet the writing stays personal and relatable. Freedman has the rare ability to honor the science while also honoring the human experience, and it results in a book that feels both intellectually credible and deeply compassionate.

Author’s Purpose and Scope

Freedman is not interested in re-explaining what EQ is. His aim is to help readers understand why emotions matter, how they function, and what shifts when we partner with them instead of resisting them. Throughout the book, he offers guidance on how to:

• View emotions as essential sources of data
• Invite emotions into conversations rather than treating them as interruptions
• Interpret emotions as signals with greater clarity and compassion
• Recognize personal and relational emotional patterns and their influence
• Tap into emotional wisdom to guide choices and actions
• Lead with authenticity, empathy, courage, and connection

This work resonates across many fields—leadership, coaching, supervision, education, human services—and extends naturally into personal relationships and the inner work of personal growth.

Key Themes

Freedman structures the book in three parts, each deepening the reader’s understanding of emotional life in a way that mirrors how emotional development unfolds: awareness, skillful engagement, and ultimately, wisdom.

Part 1: Emotional Data

Part 1 dismantles the popular belief that logic is the superior route to clarity and good decision-making. Freedman reminds us—through research, science, and relatable examples—that emotions arrive first. They shape what we notice, how we interpret experiences, and what we prepare ourselves to do long before we consciously register the feeling.

He describes how emotions transform into feelings and, later, into moods that influence how we move through our lives. I appreciated his acknowledgement of how early experiences shape internal “parts” of ourselves—protective identities that often work hard on our behalf but can also hold us in patterns that no longer serve us. His writing invites the reader to slow down, listen more deeply, and approach emotional sensations with curiosity.

He also speaks frankly about how culture, conditioning, and expectations sever the mind from the body, and he offers practices to help the reader restore that connection. It’s grounding work—gentle, and powerful.

Part 2: Emotional Intelligence

In Part 2, Freedman shifts from understanding emotion to working with it. This section focuses heavily on change—why change efforts often fail and what becomes possible when emotions are invited in and recognized as central to the process.

He frames emotional intelligence as an internal shift that creates external ripples. What begins with a pause or a moment of awareness expands into changes in presence, communication, and relational energy. Over time, those small shifts accumulate and shape the systems around us.

What I valued most here is Freedman’s insistence that emotional intelligence is not a set of tactics. It’s a way of being. A practice. A daily commitment to noticing and choosing with integrity.

Part 3: Emotional Wisdom

The third section is the heart of the book—where Freedman moves from “how emotions work” into “why they matter.” Emotional wisdom, as he presents it, is the integration of emotional insight with values, identity, and purpose. It’s less about regulating emotions and more about listening to them as guides.

Freedman explains how emotions reveal where we’re out of alignment, where we’re yearning for something deeper, and where we’re resisting what we know to be true. They act as mirrors and invitations for reflection, offering us insight and data as we navigate relationships, leadership, challenge and change.

Where the earlier sections teach readers to recognize and work with their emotions, Part 3 encourages them to trust their emotional life—to see it as a companion in the ongoing process of becoming who they are meant to be.

Analysis & Evaluation

Strengths

A thoughtful blend of science and humanity. Freedman manages to present neuroscience in a way that feels grounded and accessible. He never overwhelms the reader, yet still offers enough substance for those who want more depth.

A compassionate, human-centered tone. His writing is vulnerable and globally informed, weaving personal stories with professional insight in a way that feels sincere and emotionally resonant.

Wide applicability across fields. Whether you’re a leader, coach, educator, or human service professional, the principles apply. The emotional themes he names are universal.

Practical and hopeful. Freedman doesn’t promise quick fixes. Instead, he offers a path forward that anyone can walk—one grounded in self-reflection, awareness, and gentle practice. 

A powerful reframe: emotions as allies. This reframe alone can shift a person’s relationship with their emotional life. It positions emotions as guides—not obstacles—making space for a much more compassionate and empowered way of moving through the world.

Limitations

• Readers seeking a step-by-step program or rigid framework may want more structure than this book provides.
• Those accustomed to fast-paced, tactical leadership books may need time to adjust to the introspective pace.
• People hoping for immediate, external “quick wins” may overlook the long-term value of the inner work Freedman emphasizes.

Application to Leadership, Coaching, and Human Services

This book aligns naturally with roles that require emotional presence, relational awareness, and the capacity to hold complexity. It supports:

• Values-driven decision-making
• Repairing and strengthening relationships
• Navigating conflict with clarity
• Supporting growth in others
• Practicing trauma-informed and culturally aware leadership

For Leaders

• Cultivate relationships where vulnerability and honesty are possible
• Recognize emotional undercurrents during change
• Model grounded authenticity
• Respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively

For Coaches & Supervisors

• Use emotions as information to deepen insight
• Help clients recognize and understand emotional patterns
• Normalize the complexity and nonduality of emotion
• Encourage reflective, regular, intentional practice

For Relationships (professional and personal)

• Recognize emotions as signals pointing to needs and values
• Stay present and connected through discomfort
• Communicate with clarity, compassion, and curiosity

For Navigating Change & Challenge

• Slow down when emotions arise
• Use emotional signals to inform wise action
• Identify when reactions belong to old patterns
• Build resilience through awareness and choice

Personal Reflections & Takeaways

Emotion Rules is a generous and deeply thoughtful book. It offers more than insight—it offers a way of returning to oneself. Freedman validates how difficult emotional integration can be, especially for those who grew up disconnected from their feelings, yet he also makes the work accessible and hopeful.

His approach resonates strongly with the best practices of emerging modern leadership and human service work. In a time when complexity and uncertainty are the norm, the ability to stay grounded in one’s emotional life—and to engage with others from that grounded place—is not just helpful; it’s essential.

I highly recommend this book to anyone ready to integrate emotional intelligence as a core part of how they understand themselves, relate to others, and lead through change.