Coaching the Pleaser

Both soft-spoken and people-focused, the Pleaser wants other to be happy.

Joe has been conscientious about others his whole life – to the exclusion of his own interests. A successful administrator, he sought coaching because he wanted to more effectively manage conflict at work and to balance his personal time. The coach took time to ask questions, listen, and explore with Joe. Through this process, Joe felt heard and understood, and opened up. Joe began defining goals for interpersonal relationships at work and explored the value of having time to pursue interests.

Tips for Recognizing the Pleaser:

* Care-taker and ready to help

* Provide necessities to others

* Loyal team-player

* Avoid conflict – want people to get along

* Take care of self last

Tips for Coaching the Pleaser:

* Ask what they do well

* Ask what they want to do better

* Ask for a list resources they have and want

* Ask them to plan their action steps along a timeline

* Ask them to describe their success

Based on Joe’s prioritizing of managing conflict first, the coach asked Joe to consider barriers to managing conflict effectively, and options for moving past the barriers. Joe developed a different approach that allowed each person in the conflict the opportunity to be involved in handling it.

The coach then asked Joe to describe his current schedule and his ideal for balance. The coach facilitated Joe thinking through several options for making changes. Joe decided on a plan and with the support of the coach, moved forward. The coach now continues to serve as an accountability partner and Joe continues on his plan to create balance.

You may also like...