7 Ways to Develop Emotional Intelligence

Emotional, relationship, and social intelligence are essential skills for coaches.  These skills are also ones coaching clients commonly want to develop.

First, let’s start with a few definitions:

• Emotional Intelligence – the ability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions.
• Relationship Intelligence – the ability to recognize and work with the emotions of another person in a one-to-one interaction.
• Social Intelligence – the ability to recognize and work with the emotions of multiple people in a way considered appropriate by the majority while with a group.

What skills are part of emotional intelligence?

• Self-Awareness – noticing your own emotions.
• Self-Regulation – managing your own emotions.
• Empathy – recognizing and understanding the emotions of others.
• Motivation – ability to inspire yourself and others to act.
• Social Skills – how you interact with other people.

How can these skills be developed?

1. Review a list of emotions – start with the basic ones (Happiness, Sadness, Fear, Anger, Disgust, Surprise, Enjoyment) and expand as desired. Define each for you.
2. Reflect on circumstances when you have experienced each. Think about what you experienced and the reasons.  Consider how that impacted what you did.
3. When you are with someone pay attention to how they seem to be feeling and reacting. If appropriate, ask them about it.
4. When you are in a group, notice how different people seem to feel and are behaving. Notice whether they seem to identify with each other.  Pay attention to things people do and say.
5. Read novels. Yes – that is correct!  Novels include descriptions about circumstances and feelings.  Reading novels is one of the top ways to develop emotional intelligence!
6. Write about feelings you experience and your observations of what others experience.
7. Work with a coach. A coach will be your partner in the review, reflection, and awareness of emotions.  A coach will support you choosing your behaviors.

Whether you are a coach, want a coach, or want to develop coaching competence, emotional, relationship, and social intelligence are valuable skills.